FOCUS

August 12, 2015

I haven’t worked a paying job in four months. There I got that out. Now on to more important things. Haha.

Yes it bugs me. I have tried to play the housewife part but I can’t. I thought I was a good housewife but this morning while I was slowly waking up, I saw with my right eye (my left eye was still closed) my husband ironing his shirt for work and I heard my kids making breakfast. I realized I am a total fail at this homemaker business. It’s true I can spin the story into ‘I am so successful in running this household that I have trained my family very well on how to take care of themselves’. I can sell that idea. I have worked a corporate job for twenty years. I can turn anything into a more desirable story. But no. I need to accept it. I am not cut out to be a homemaker only. I need to work. I need to make money. I need to feel productively contributing to the world.

So now I am frustrated at not having worked for four months and not having $10,000 to pay for a family vacation in Italy that I am dreaming about. But all is good. Now it is clear to me. I cannot NOT work a paying job.

I am grateful though, to have the opportunity to stop working to focus on determining what to do with my life. Rearranging my days to point to the direction I want to go. I truly appreciate this time. S/O to my husband for making this possible.  

However, (I know you saw that coming) not doing paid work takes getting used to. At the end of each day, I need to convince myself that it was indeed a productive day. That money is not the only possible measure of a day’s productivity. That I can just ‘be’ and my life will still be fruitful. It takes effort convincing myself that it is okay to lie down reading a good book for hours. That walking the beach aimlessly is good. That discussing ideas with friends will end up helping make the world a better place. This life takes getting used to after working for 20 years.

How did I get to this place? That is a separate blog post. Here, let’s talk about what I want to be, where I want to go, and what I am doing to get there. 

I have made the decision that I will be a broadcaster (the next Oprah), a successful entrepreneur (success being defined by millions of dollars and positive contribution to the world), a New York Times bestselling author, a world traveller (with my whole family of 6), and I will teach a little. I know that to many, this list sounds crazy. It sounds like I want to accomplish too much with the little time I have left in this world. I don’t really care what it sounds like to others. I am forty (and I don’t give a s**t) and I can do this.

When these goals (take note goals and not fantasies) became clear to me, I started writing these five things on my planner every single day. It gives me focus. These are the things I want to accomplish. Everything I write on my planner needs to lead to one of these. If the activity does not lead to these, I will not do them unless of course they are fun to do.

Do I have a clear plan on how to achieve all of these goals? Nah. That is a major life lesson I got from the last five years. Just know what you want and the universe will deliver. You just need to make sure you act on opportunities that come around.

Things started happening. I contacted a former student who I remember hosts a radio show. I sat in her radio show. Tomorrow I am attending training sessions that will eventually lead to producing my own show. Yes, it is a community radio station. Yes, there might not be any following but this is free training on the equipment and how to do it. I am so excited.

I registered to a journaling class. A short course on creative writing. It forced me to write and to read my writing to people. Now I have outlined my book and I am adding to it every day.

I started businesses involving teaching painting and making e-learning. I was brave enough to go ahead and try things out. Instead of just sitting down and writing my plans for a business.

I am visualizing a trip to Italy with my family of 6. We went to Disneyland last year and we went to Maui last May. I want to make sure that this year we do another major trip and that will be Italy.

I am amazed at what focus can do. Know what you want, keep it in your mind and heart, and act on the opportunities that will lead to successfully fulfilling your goals.

It seems like the four months of not having a paying job was worth it after all. I have identified my life goals and I have started the ball/s rolling on all of them. I could’ve gone for one year to a remote country to find myself. But no. I stopped working, stayed where I am, thought of what I really want to do and now everything is on its way to me. Not bad for four months. Now I feel better.

Life is good. Now off to watching the Perseid meteor showers with my family. It will not get me closer to my goals but it will be fun so it is an exception. I wrote it in my planner. J